Aiden’s Natural-ish Birth Story

Who doesn’t love a good birth story?
Even before I was pregnant, I loved hearing and reading other people’s birth stories. When people had their babies, I gave them a few weeks to heal, but then I wanted to know all of the details.  And I wanted to hear their birth stories while the memories were still fresh. Not necessarily because I’m nosy, but because I’m a preparer. I wanted to hear as many scenarios as possible so that I had some idea of what to expect. To know how things could go. To know what the pain was really like. Was it better or worse than you expected? I wanted to hear from people who had a great experience, and if see if there were things that I could replicate.  And I wanted to hear from people who had a not-so-great (even traumatic) experience to see if there were things I could/should avoid in pregnancy, labor, and delivery.  More than anything, I just wanted exposure to what labor and delivery was *really* like and not just want I’d seen in the movies.  At the end of this post I share my favorite books that also helped me prepare.

Why am I sharing such personal details? 

It is so important to share birth stories from Black women, so I’m adding my voice. According to Giving Compass, Black women are 243% more likely to die from pregnancy- or childbirth- related causes. I think that’s partially because we aren’t exposed to everything that’s possible and don’t know how to advocate for ourselves. 

So, here’s the story of my natural-ish birth with my second son, Aiden, and strap in, because it’s a LONG one because I’m giving you the full play-by-play. (I’ll write Donovan’s birth story soon!) Let me start here and say I use the term natural-ish, with emphasis on the -ish, because many people say if you don’t have an epidural or a c-section, that it’s a natural birth. The more appropriate term is that I had a vaginal birth. I am not anti-drugs by any means. I am pro- do whatever works for you. I personally am anti-epidural though. Mostly because I’m afraid of it! And I’m also anti- any drugs that are more likely to lead you down the path to an epidural (hey pitocin!). So I definitely used drugs with both births, just not those two.  I think we put too much emphasis on the term “natural” when it comes to childbirth anyway. You delivered a baby – be proud of that simple fact regardless of how it happened. When you walk down the street or interact with people on a daily basis there is no possible way to know how that person came into the world – so just focus on the fact that the baby is here. That’s a miracle however it happens.

But let’s get to it! 

First signs of labor

It was Halloween and I was 38 weeks pregnant. Since Donovan came at 38 weeks and 1 day (or 38+1), I knew that I should be prepared at any point.  Unlike my pregnancy with Donovan, however, I had no prodromal labor (google it and be glad you didn’t know what it was!). I *think* I lost my mucus plug earlier that week but I honestly don’t know because that didn’t happen with Donovan. Needless to say it was just business as usual, and I was still trying to walk as much as possible to stay active, keep my stamina up, and get the baby in the best positioning for labor. 

We took Donovan to the Harvest Festival at our church that night and did all the things. Who knew this would be Donovan’s last pic as an only child?! Not me! In fact, his little brother showed up about 6 hours after this pic was taken and I was none the wiser. If “life comes at you fast” was a birth story..

So, we get home, and put Donovan to bed. And then we hang out, do adult things, and I started getting ready for bed myself. 

Around 11:45 p.m. I started to have some very subtle stomach “aches.” I wouldn’t even call them cramps at this point. If I remember correctly, it was like “I don’t know what’s going on, but… I don’t know.” Helpful I know. I texted my mom who was in Tennessee and told her “I think I’m in the early stages of labor.” She was like, so do I need to get a flight? I’m like I don’t know what you need to do girl. As someone who has had a baby before, you’d think I would know. A mess.

I think it’s GO time!

I went back upstairs and not even 20 minutes later, they were full blown cramps happening every few minutes and they were lasting long enough that I could actually time them. When I say full blown cramps, I mean they stopped me in my tracks and made me keel over until it subsided. Only to happen again a few minutes later. Although they were bad, one of my labor mantras that helped me was that contractions only last for 1 minute, and I can do anything for a minute.

So, then I started trying to pack my hospital bag (HAHAHAHAHA! I know smh). That turned into me telling hubby what to put in my hospital bag. “Go look in my drawer and get a tank top, but one with the bra built into it.” It was tragic really. I should have known better. But since this was my second go-round, I knew that I really didn’t need that much. My phone charger, a tank top (because who needs pants at a time like this), a robe, my water bottle, and some toiletries and I’ll be fine. He could come home and get anything else I forgot after the baby was here. 

I downloaded a contraction timer app to tell me how long they were lasting and how far apart they were. I love these contraction timer apps because all you have to do is push a button when you start feeling it and then when you stop and it calculates everything for you!

At this point (around 12:15 a.m.), I texted a couple of friends who live close to us to be on standby to come over and stay with our 2-year-old while we went to the hospital. The contractions were still only lasting for like 30 seconds, BUT they were coming every 3-4 minutes pretty consistently so I wanted them to be ready if I needed them since our original childcare plan fell through. 

Call the midwife!

One of the “rules” for when to go to the hospital is known as 4-1-1 (some people do 5-1-1). But basically, if your contractions are 4 minutes apart, lasting for a full minute, and are consistent for an hour, then it’s time to go to the hospital. Since my contractions were coming every THREE minutes, but were only lasting 30 seconds, I was confused as hell. What do I go by? I called my midwife to ask if I should come in, and she basically said it was up to me. She said that since my contractions were only lasting 30 seconds and that I was able to carry a conversation (I had a contraction while we were on the phone), that it was basically up to me. Since she knew that I wanted to avoid an epidural, laboring at home as long as possible was recommended. She didn’t want me to come to the hospital and then have to send me home because I’m not dilated enough. So, I hung up and waited to see what the contractions would do for the next hour. 

Contractions were getting stronger and stronger, and I said nah forget this we’re going to the hospital (it’s almost 30 minutes away with no traffic).  We called our friend and neighbor to come over to be in the house with Donovan – who has NO CLUE what is going on because he’s sleeping so good from all his Halloween fun. 

The parts of labor noone tells you about 

And then… I had the sudden urge to throw up! When I say sudden, I mean I BARELY made it and almost threw up on the carpet. Luckily I made it to the bathroom, but I didn’t make it to the toilet. (Thanks for cleaning that up, babe!) So, now shit is getting realer than real. It’s time to go. I called the midwives back and just told the answering service to let them know I’m on da way! It’s around 1am at this time. 

I grabbed my birthing ball because I likes to be prepared, and I wanted to have laboring options. We had to let some air out of it to get it out the door. And then it wouldn’t fit in the car. I was like no, it has to come. Figure it out. This is the labor Deidre talking because I was adamant about this. Do yall know I didn’t even use that damn ball?! No time. But the ball did fit… in the front seat. 

As we are about to walk out, I have the urge to throw up AGAIN. I’m about to turn around and go to the bathroom but I’m like “nah” definitely not going to make it! So I just walk out the front door and throw up outside. Chile. Labor is a mess and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. For the record, my first labor was not like this at all, but vomiting and diarrhea are both very common and absolutely normal parts of the labor and childbirth experience.

The longest car ride of all the car rides

Then there’s the ride to the hospital. I am having contractions every 2-3 minutes (fix it Father), which is insane because even when pushing with my first labor, my contractions were 5 minutes apart. This is important because when your contractions are back to back like that, you don’t get time to rest between contractions.  It feels VERY intense. Oh and remember I’m in the backseat, because, useless medicine ball. But this is great because I am able to move around way more than if I were in the front seat.

I felt like we were driving way too slow for my contractions. When I realized we were actually driving 85, I laid back down like “ok, I guess that’s fine.” Also, let’s thank the Lord that both of my babies decided to come in the middle of the night which meant there was NO traffic. If you live in the DC, Maryland, or Virginia area you know just how much of a miracle that is. 

Finally at the hospital

We finally get to the hospital around 1:30 a.m. We should have known something was off because there was a cone blocking one of the driveways, and he couldn’t drop me off right in front of the door. So, I get out and walk to the door, and yall. Pitch black. The door is locked. Not a soul in sight. The way I leaned on that window and let out a helpless cry. I forgot that you have to enter through the Emergency Department when it’s after hours. Labor brain. 

So I finally get to the Emergency Department. And nobody was at the desk. Yall. I was looking so pitiful. When he came out, he told me where to go and asked me if I wanted a wheelchair, I thought about it for a split second. Then I looked around and didn’t see one nearby and was like nevermind, you taking too long! In my mind, I could be upstairs by the time you get the chair. Plus, the walking is good for me. 

I finally got to the right set of elevators (WHY DO HOSPITALS HAVE SO MANY ELEVATORS THAT TAKE YOU TO THE WRONG PLACE?!). There were two security guards there waiting on the elevator. I stood there leaning over with my hands on my knees, CONTRACTING. Like, I’m contracting this whole time people. The contractions never got more than 4 minutes apart. The security guards feel sorry for me – did I say I was looking pitiful? – and decide to escort me to the L&D floor and grant me access to the wing. Bless them! 

It’s show time!

So I check-in and get into the triage room. She tells me to go ahead and take off my clothes and walks out of the room. As soon as the door closed, I PEE ON MYSELF. Or so I thought. This was my water breaking. But I never felt this with Donovan so I wasn’t exactly sure. With Donovan my water didn’t break until after I was dilated 10 cm and already pushing! So if your doctor ever says they will break your waters or rupture your membranes “for you,” tell them NO THANK YOU. Not necessary. Babies can be born in the sac. And let me tell you, you will feel those contractions in a much different way when you don’t have the “cushion” of the amniotic sac. Oh and I never mentioned this but, we were in a rental car! Can we thank the good lord that my water waited to break until I got into the triage room! Whew. Blessings. 

When the nurse came back, I was like “I think my water broke.” But it wasn’t clear. It was… brownish? Needless to say I was stressed TF out trying to figure out what’s wrong. Can I tell yall nurses are the best people on the planet? Now I had read about meconium being present at birth, but she made it seem like it was no big deal and relieved my anxiety big time. The midwife finally came in and checked me just after 2 a.m. and I was 6 cm! BET. Let’s go. Nitrous oxide me, please.  

When we got to the delivery room, everyone was in go-mode getting me and the room prepped for delivery. I’m finally able to get my laughing gas. I instantly feel relief. Nitrous oxide is an awesome pain management medicine if you just want to take the edge off.  Make no mistakes though, there’s no laughing. But it definitely eases the pain a little bit. It’s also an “active” pain medication so I have to bring the mask to my face when I feel contractions coming on. It’s not a good idea during early labor when you’re trying to sleep or just lay there. 

Transition phase – is that you playa?

I am remembering the amazing tension release techniques my labor nurse taught me with Donovan. And I also got so excited that I finally get to meet my baby today and discover the sex. I decided not to find out the gender and this adds an extra element of excitement and anticipation to the labor and delivery experience.  So I’m feeling relatively good. Until I’m not. About 30 minutes later, I’m like, ok is it too late for an epidural???  I don’t remember contractions feeling this intense with Donovan’s birth. And I promise it’s because my water didn’t break with him until I was already pushing. 

My midwife is like, “let’s take a look.” Y’all, when she checked me she said “oh you’re about to have this baby. You’re 10cm. Call the ped.*” And that’s why I asked for the epidural. I was going through the “transition” phase where the baby drops down the canal and gets in position. This typically happens when you are dilating from 8 to 10 cm. Also note that this is the same midwife who told me I could stay at home if I wanted to. See how they do us “strong” black women and our pain tolerances. 

*Because there was meconium (which means baby pooped in utero), the pediatrician had to be present for the birth. So that was a little alarming hearing them having to call for her like “code 7 to room 1” or whatever she said. 

Is that poop or my baby?

Shortly after I was like “ok I feel like I have to poop. Is this the baby?” And she was like well, let’s see.  What I love about midwives is that they follow your lead as you follow your body’s lead. I was like “Is it poop? I’m pooping ain’t it?” She said no, but I didn’t believe her (ha!). She coached me through pushing and getting me in the best position.

It’s MY BABY! 

Three big pushes later with the next three contractions and that little BOY popped his little hairy self out at 2:55 a.m. weighing 8 lbs 5 ounces. Just over three hours after my first “is that a contraction or a tummy ache.”  Unfortunately, he had to go right to the pediatrician (in the same room) because of the meconium. So I didn’t get the skin to skin right after, the umbilical cord was cut immediately, and the vernix was washed off because it was mixed with the meconium. But I could hear him crying – loudly-  and that made me a crying mess myself. This is what is meant by having a birth plan and making requests but ultimately being flexible enough to do whatever is best for the baby. 

Happy Birth Day sweet boy 

There is NO feeling like pushing a baby out and hearing him cry. I was just like, “I did it. He’s healthy. Oh my God. God is amazing. Our bodies are amazing. What is life.” And then I looked at the midwife and said “I ALMOST HAD THIS BABY AT HOME FOOLING WITH YOU!” But it was all in jest. I absolutely loved every single midwife I have met that’s part of Washington Hospital Center. Whether it was my prenatal appointments, my first birthing experience, or when I was moved to the postpartum wing. The quality of care is unmatched and I wouldn’t have a hospital birth without them. 

Fortunately, there were no complications associated with the meconium and his APGAR score was normal so I got to hold him soon after. While I was giving birth to the placenta. See, that’s the stuff noone tells you about. You have to push out the damn placenta. It’s like a mini-labor after the labor. But you’re so high off life holding your squishy little baby that you don’t even care. 

Ok, now what?

And then we realized we still needed to give this baby a name.  And just like with Donovan, his full name wasn’t decided until I had to submit the paperwork to leave the hospital. Because I guess that’s just how I roll. 

So if you made it this far, congrats! Here’s an adorable photo the newborn squish and a bonus pic of brothers meeting for the first time for hanging in there. Tell me, did anything surprise you about my birth story?? Or your own birth story?? I’m an open book! I’ll write more about how I prepared for labor and delivery in a future post. So be sure to subscribe (and share)!

Relevant book recommendations: 

• Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin
• The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin
• Supernatural Childbirth by Jackie Mize