Breastfeeding is natural not easy.

I nursed Donovan for 15 months and Aiden for 9 so far, and I feel like breastfeeding came pretty naturally to me. Both kids latched almost immediately, my supply was great, and 95% of the time nursing didn’t cause any pain at all. It worked for me and my boys. I felt pretty supported and felt comfortable nursing any and everywhere without a cover. Even with that in mind, I STILL 

• HATED PUMPING.
• Got clogged ducts.
• Stressed myself out and drove 40 minutes to see the ONE lactation consultant covered by my insurance because I didn’t know if my my kid was eating enough (turns out he was just an “efficient eater” and was eating a lot in a short amount of time).
• Had to lay down to nurse because my overactive letdown caused my baby to choke (and that was scary AF).
• Got mastitis when I was trying to wean.
• Had to pump in some questionable locations including while driving.
• Missed parts of meetings, conferences, and events because I had to step away to pump (silver lining of COVID – I can just turn the camera off and I don’t miss anything)
• Asked internet strangers in mom groups if I was doing it right.
• Cried that time I only pumped 1 ounce in 10 minutes (Nobody told me your supply drops every month when your period comes back. Sis was stressed. I am sis).
• Had to calculate exactly when I was gonna drank so it would be mostly out of my system by the time the baby wanted to eat. 
• Freaked tf out when I started pumping and that shit was pink (ie my nipple was bleeding because it was cracked from a bad latch).
• Gave my baby blood-tinged milk because I figured I wouldn’t have even known it was pink if he was nursing straight from the boob. I did “dilute” it with other milk to make me feel better.
• Have scratches on my boobs from them baby talons.
• Had to give up dairy when I thought my son had a dairy allergy.
• Almost threw my baby across the room because he “bit” my nipple and it hurt and my natural reflex was self-defense. This happened yesterday. 
• Cannot get used to these post-nursing boobs (they have a theme song: do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot or tie them in a bow… etc. etc. etc.).
• Had to pick out outfits based on how nursing-friendly they were (FYI crew neck dresses at work will have you pumping half-naked).
• Had to nurse my baby while wearing a mask for a week when I thought I may have gotten COVID.

Even with all that, breastfeeding was overall pretty easy for me and an enjoyable experience. Especially when I compare to what my others deal with. My jobs gave me the time and space to pump. Unlike a teacher or someone who is working in a restaurant, I did not have the added stress of trying to squeeze pumping into the shortest times. Neither of my babies had tongue ties which can affect their latch. I was always able to correct latch issues quickly using the nipple-to-nose technique to get a deep latch.

Don’t be scared.
I share all of my challenges not to scare anyone off from breastfeeding, but quite the opposite. As black women, we are more likely to be offered formula in the hospital. The minute there is any type of struggle, there seems to be an automatic “well, this isn’t working for you, just do formula.” Breastfeeding is natural. But don’t confuse natural with easy. When you’re just starting out, you have to find your groove. All of the stuff that o dealt with – completely normal! If I didn’t have a group of supportive moms I could go to and share with, I would have given up thinking I was “doing something wrong.”

Every mom and baby are different, so there’s a period of trial and error that you have to go through. But not to the detriment of your baby’s health or your own mental health. So definitely push through the initial challenges, but if you find yourself still struggling months later or you have concerns about your health, give yourself permission to give your baby formula. I decided early on that while I would love the experience and convenience of breastfeeding, fed is best and I wouldn’t stress myself out. It’s why I had my husband give Donovan a bottle during a particularly rough period of cluster feeding. I felt absolutely no guilt while I got some much needed rest.

Find your “why” for breastfeeding to get you through those early challenges. Here are three of mine:

1. Breastfeeding is convenient.

Breastfeeding is convenient AF. I never have to worry about running out of bottles, storing bottles, or washing bottles if we are out for the day or on vacation. When we are traveling, they will always be fed. Any time, any place. As long as I’m near. 

2. Breastfeeding means fewer bottles to wash.

Let the record show. I hate washing dishes. And every time I nurse, it’s one less bottle to wash. So per my calculation, I have NOT washed at least 3,500 bottles by nursing instead. So, win.

3. Breastfeeding (and science, and God, and the human body) is cool as hell. 

Our bodies are magic. Did you know that the composition of breastmilk changes based on baby’s saliva? That is amazing to me. So when my kid is sick, my breastmilk will provide nutrients to support his illness. I really do think Donovan’s overall good health and very few illnesses despite the daycare germs is in part due to breastfeeding.

Whatever journey you choose, having the right support along the way is key! Breastfeeding can be easy, but it isn’t necessarily supposed to be. And I think we should normalize that.